Tuesday, September 4, 2012


LARA, my best friend related me her story through the phone...

As we paved our way...
The Golf Tournament was due in the next four months time.  I was given the task of Fund Raising.  What?  FR??? Am I?  Ooooooo, OK lemme just have a go and make it through.  Yes?  Why not?

"I was looking for you for the past three weeks" said the voice on the other end of the receiver.  The unexpected call was so thrilling that it sent me flying all over the place in my small office.

"Oh yes?  What a coincident. me too" I replied excitedly.

The conversation went on into the wee hours of the next morning... I was quick to inform of the Fund Raising and he made a promise to help by contacting his friends from the private sectors.  Ok, we went to bed just to avoid groggy morning in two hours time.

Time did play its role but to me it flew too fast to hold on.  I tried making a little moss as the stone turned its face...but was futile.  Excited to get his constant calls with such sweet words that sent me to dream lands and well above the normal flying jets' passages, I was always waiting for one.  Is this a coincidental call?  OR was it a real call?  I couldn't make any head or tails about them.  I  just went through until I was hooked.  Excitement has changed its path and I became more like hoping to hear hourly calls which surely enough they came.

Days and months that followed were filled with joys like I have never felt before.  Was this intuition, infatuation or I was in love?  I wasn't sure till the end. Was it?  Or was it an act of denial?  Whatever it was, it was madness.  He had truly carried me away, oh!  Onto cloud nine!  Promises of beautiful life once we tie our knots.  Doing things together back in our home town were words of rare breed that I have hardly heard before.  Was I dreaming?


I suddenly was awakened by the strong family reminder!  Mom had sternly said, "Never to marry a man from this particular social circle!"  Was it true or was it just a mere warning with nothing  significant linking to it?  I knew from my ancestors, that one of my great grand aunt had married a man from the royal circle.  Nothing much was described about the marriage except a little something about the treatments she had received from her royal husband.  NOW!  Why this stern warning, then?  Another relation, my granny's cousin was also married to a royalty ...but nothing significant was also related to us as to how this taboo had surfaced.

I tried my luck by playing along with the Knight In Shining Armour!  A single father was what I was looking for to be my future husband.  The game was probably too well versed by such a pro.  Since I knew his family so well, I dare myself in this dramatic play.  His mother had expressed herself to ask for my hands to marry his widowed son.  That was only the intention but not yet executed.  I was like in a day-dream those few months.

Three months have passed.  It went on ever so smoothly.  He called me hourly as expected and each time before flying, he would text me soothing messages to pacify my feelings of being left behind.  When her returned, his driver would come and fetch me for meals to his house.  Sometimes my children were invited along.  He got on well with my eldest and youngest.  Never with my second child and the fourth never met him since he was in a boarding school.

I felt awkward?  Nope!  He reminded me though, that after we get married, the pictures of his late wife should remain where they should be...  They do not bother me at all as I have met her royal highness before she passed on.  Things were to remain intact... do I care?  Nope.  Let them be where they were after all am not such a fussy movers of furniture... but sometimes I do.  Do I?

When one day I had asked him,
"When are you going to Mecca?"
"What is there in Mecca?" came his abrupt-joke-like answer.  It blew my feelings into small shreds and like meteorites... they fell onto the orbit but never reached the ground.  Oooooooooo!  What was I getting into?  Was I supposed to back out?  Nope!  This is an opportunity to lead someone like this into the path of Ad Dee-nil Islam, thought I deeply.  I shall never give up on this likely task.

Meanwhile the fund raising almost touched the target.  He helped to get fat cheques from his corporate friends.  That part was truly done!

Royalties and dignitaries were in for golfing on such a date.  I was in charge of the overall registration and the food bay.  Very early morning, I got myself ready to dutifully run my task.  I drove down to the golf course and managed   everything on time before the royalties arrived.  I made sure the buggies were sufficient, goody bags in place, bottled drinks on each station are ample, trophies are in place and managed to see everything went on smoothly.  The rest on the course, I have someone else to oversee.  I for one had never touched any golf clubs ... I went only as far as getting their T-shirts and pants when they were on sales at the Pro Shops.  That's all.

In the afternoon we had a separate program for her royal highness.  My youngest daughter was the bouquet girl.  She was well groomed to do this and much suited to her age and her gentle gestures.  After the game was over, the  golfers were having meals together in the banquet hall of this hotel.  I played my role to oversea things went on smoothly.  The outriders topped my  list of great concern.  They had their meals on the terrace.  Well done.

From far, he was starring and giving signals as though commanding me to go over to send him off.  My relatives were around in the lobby and was busy talking.  I dare not attract their attention or let anyone in the crowd know what went on between us.  I just ignored him totally.  Later, it was time to check out of the hotel to find way to our home sweet home.

The rain fell ever so heavily.  I drove through with my daughter and another friend taking a lift from us.  We were to attend a birthday party of a friend's daughter.  Torrential or not, we braved through and after a few calls to get the precise location, we arrived.  My spirit was dampened by his calls.

What went on after was most unexpected...

After my volunteer work was over, it was time to move on.  I was to move to a new house elsewhere  with a much better surrounding and environment.  Packing was always a hassle.  Somehow the movers -cum-packers had helped with these tasks.  We managed things well.  Nothing much thought I.  Three big lorry loads were shifted out of our present dwelling and into the new one.

While waiting for the last load to leave, I was talking to my cousin at the car park.  The sms gave a sound.  I quickly opened and read the vary message for my youngest daughter... it was so apparent that it was not for me.

"Sweety,  uncle will be busy with the preparation to get engaged and will not be able to talk to you much".

"WHAT?"  came a strong blow into my face, mind, body and spirit!
What is going on?  What is all this?  What , what, what?????  Why am I treated this way?  I blurted out to my cousin.  We both were speechless and got  flabbergasted to the extreme scale!  If you can imagine...

Soon after, I had regained consciousness (I never did faint physically though) and I held my gracious pride well.  I did not do anything to reply.  BUT if it were my daughter reading that sms, what would have happened?  Why wasn't he brave enough to meet up with me, her and us to explain about all these?  Coward, thought I.

The vary next day, I was going to deliver goody bags to the palace.  I drove into the compound and parked at my usual parking bay...what else?  For Visitors only parking space... haha.  I walked in and the officer in charge was very friendly to show me into the holding guest room.  She had offered me drinks and some cakes.  Suddenly there was another torrential fall.  It was stormy outside. The temperature was cold inside out.  I was shivering badly.

That wasn't as bad as the sms I was to see and read which was addressed to me, personally.  The words were so strong, bombastic and accusative that I have now, as am writing this story, have forgotten about them all... All I could remember were those simple few,

"I need space to breath"... so said he...

My shiver became much aggravated then.  What with the air-conditioning, the heavy rains, the sms and they all stirred up my emotions so well that I became numb after that.  Somehow I did manage to control the situation well.  No one knew what went on inside me.  My head spanned inside but I managed to hold my steps as I left the room upon completing my duty.

Outside, the rain began to subside.  The guard walked me to my car holding the umbrella.  I sat inside my car, calling him.  It was apparent, he wasn't answering.  His driver had answered me and told me he saw him busy writing sms to me earlier before boarding the air plane to the next destiny!  On the spur of the moment, I prayed to Allah,

"Ya Allah please show me the way.  I have been tested almost to the brink.  I knew all these were mere games from a pro... who had killed too many souls including his own ...spouses...Ya Allah, am so ever thankful that You have saved me from further turmoil, messed up life and hurts and facing worse scenarios in life. Aameen"

That ended the feeling as though being dropped like a hot potato from the cloud nine by the Knight In Shining Armour.  The prince which I had thought was a gentle and gracious prince wasn't at all a prince after all.  OR were all princes like that?  I have been saved twice from such "life destiny" of marrying the much warned-about mankind.

The after effects were not that simple to describe but I shall try.  I have lost trust in them specie, I have never taken any marriage proposals seriously any more after this awful-much-too-learn- incident and I have never overcame this phobia in them ... More than fourteen years down the memory lane...

UNTIL one day, I went through a program called Hynotherapy and the coach walked me through my childhood past, my adult past life and my present... It took me almost forty minutes to get over more than fourteen years of phobia... through Phobia Pattern and Time Line Therapy. I have so much to thank Allah for all these openings and now am a much happier person who no longer have mistrust in men.  I have at one stage, Self Detoxed myself to prepare for the break through session in this program ... I managed to put his image in my minds eyes and I managed it with a broad smile as I was doing that until I was in the program again the next day.  No more remorsefulness, no more phobias, no more negativeness and absolutely no more mistrust!

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah.  YOU have saved me from the "gallows" of another human and soul killer. ;)