Tuesday, September 4, 2012


LARA, my best friend related me her story through the phone...

As we paved our way...
The Golf Tournament was due in the next four months time.  I was given the task of Fund Raising.  What?  FR??? Am I?  Ooooooo, OK lemme just have a go and make it through.  Yes?  Why not?

"I was looking for you for the past three weeks" said the voice on the other end of the receiver.  The unexpected call was so thrilling that it sent me flying all over the place in my small office.

"Oh yes?  What a coincident. me too" I replied excitedly.

The conversation went on into the wee hours of the next morning... I was quick to inform of the Fund Raising and he made a promise to help by contacting his friends from the private sectors.  Ok, we went to bed just to avoid groggy morning in two hours time.

Time did play its role but to me it flew too fast to hold on.  I tried making a little moss as the stone turned its face...but was futile.  Excited to get his constant calls with such sweet words that sent me to dream lands and well above the normal flying jets' passages, I was always waiting for one.  Is this a coincidental call?  OR was it a real call?  I couldn't make any head or tails about them.  I  just went through until I was hooked.  Excitement has changed its path and I became more like hoping to hear hourly calls which surely enough they came.

Days and months that followed were filled with joys like I have never felt before.  Was this intuition, infatuation or I was in love?  I wasn't sure till the end. Was it?  Or was it an act of denial?  Whatever it was, it was madness.  He had truly carried me away, oh!  Onto cloud nine!  Promises of beautiful life once we tie our knots.  Doing things together back in our home town were words of rare breed that I have hardly heard before.  Was I dreaming?


I suddenly was awakened by the strong family reminder!  Mom had sternly said, "Never to marry a man from this particular social circle!"  Was it true or was it just a mere warning with nothing  significant linking to it?  I knew from my ancestors, that one of my great grand aunt had married a man from the royal circle.  Nothing much was described about the marriage except a little something about the treatments she had received from her royal husband.  NOW!  Why this stern warning, then?  Another relation, my granny's cousin was also married to a royalty ...but nothing significant was also related to us as to how this taboo had surfaced.

I tried my luck by playing along with the Knight In Shining Armour!  A single father was what I was looking for to be my future husband.  The game was probably too well versed by such a pro.  Since I knew his family so well, I dare myself in this dramatic play.  His mother had expressed herself to ask for my hands to marry his widowed son.  That was only the intention but not yet executed.  I was like in a day-dream those few months.

Three months have passed.  It went on ever so smoothly.  He called me hourly as expected and each time before flying, he would text me soothing messages to pacify my feelings of being left behind.  When her returned, his driver would come and fetch me for meals to his house.  Sometimes my children were invited along.  He got on well with my eldest and youngest.  Never with my second child and the fourth never met him since he was in a boarding school.

I felt awkward?  Nope!  He reminded me though, that after we get married, the pictures of his late wife should remain where they should be...  They do not bother me at all as I have met her royal highness before she passed on.  Things were to remain intact... do I care?  Nope.  Let them be where they were after all am not such a fussy movers of furniture... but sometimes I do.  Do I?

When one day I had asked him,
"When are you going to Mecca?"
"What is there in Mecca?" came his abrupt-joke-like answer.  It blew my feelings into small shreds and like meteorites... they fell onto the orbit but never reached the ground.  Oooooooooo!  What was I getting into?  Was I supposed to back out?  Nope!  This is an opportunity to lead someone like this into the path of Ad Dee-nil Islam, thought I deeply.  I shall never give up on this likely task.

Meanwhile the fund raising almost touched the target.  He helped to get fat cheques from his corporate friends.  That part was truly done!

Royalties and dignitaries were in for golfing on such a date.  I was in charge of the overall registration and the food bay.  Very early morning, I got myself ready to dutifully run my task.  I drove down to the golf course and managed   everything on time before the royalties arrived.  I made sure the buggies were sufficient, goody bags in place, bottled drinks on each station are ample, trophies are in place and managed to see everything went on smoothly.  The rest on the course, I have someone else to oversee.  I for one had never touched any golf clubs ... I went only as far as getting their T-shirts and pants when they were on sales at the Pro Shops.  That's all.

In the afternoon we had a separate program for her royal highness.  My youngest daughter was the bouquet girl.  She was well groomed to do this and much suited to her age and her gentle gestures.  After the game was over, the  golfers were having meals together in the banquet hall of this hotel.  I played my role to oversea things went on smoothly.  The outriders topped my  list of great concern.  They had their meals on the terrace.  Well done.

From far, he was starring and giving signals as though commanding me to go over to send him off.  My relatives were around in the lobby and was busy talking.  I dare not attract their attention or let anyone in the crowd know what went on between us.  I just ignored him totally.  Later, it was time to check out of the hotel to find way to our home sweet home.

The rain fell ever so heavily.  I drove through with my daughter and another friend taking a lift from us.  We were to attend a birthday party of a friend's daughter.  Torrential or not, we braved through and after a few calls to get the precise location, we arrived.  My spirit was dampened by his calls.

What went on after was most unexpected...

After my volunteer work was over, it was time to move on.  I was to move to a new house elsewhere  with a much better surrounding and environment.  Packing was always a hassle.  Somehow the movers -cum-packers had helped with these tasks.  We managed things well.  Nothing much thought I.  Three big lorry loads were shifted out of our present dwelling and into the new one.

While waiting for the last load to leave, I was talking to my cousin at the car park.  The sms gave a sound.  I quickly opened and read the vary message for my youngest daughter... it was so apparent that it was not for me.

"Sweety,  uncle will be busy with the preparation to get engaged and will not be able to talk to you much".

"WHAT?"  came a strong blow into my face, mind, body and spirit!
What is going on?  What is all this?  What , what, what?????  Why am I treated this way?  I blurted out to my cousin.  We both were speechless and got  flabbergasted to the extreme scale!  If you can imagine...

Soon after, I had regained consciousness (I never did faint physically though) and I held my gracious pride well.  I did not do anything to reply.  BUT if it were my daughter reading that sms, what would have happened?  Why wasn't he brave enough to meet up with me, her and us to explain about all these?  Coward, thought I.

The vary next day, I was going to deliver goody bags to the palace.  I drove into the compound and parked at my usual parking bay...what else?  For Visitors only parking space... haha.  I walked in and the officer in charge was very friendly to show me into the holding guest room.  She had offered me drinks and some cakes.  Suddenly there was another torrential fall.  It was stormy outside. The temperature was cold inside out.  I was shivering badly.

That wasn't as bad as the sms I was to see and read which was addressed to me, personally.  The words were so strong, bombastic and accusative that I have now, as am writing this story, have forgotten about them all... All I could remember were those simple few,

"I need space to breath"... so said he...

My shiver became much aggravated then.  What with the air-conditioning, the heavy rains, the sms and they all stirred up my emotions so well that I became numb after that.  Somehow I did manage to control the situation well.  No one knew what went on inside me.  My head spanned inside but I managed to hold my steps as I left the room upon completing my duty.

Outside, the rain began to subside.  The guard walked me to my car holding the umbrella.  I sat inside my car, calling him.  It was apparent, he wasn't answering.  His driver had answered me and told me he saw him busy writing sms to me earlier before boarding the air plane to the next destiny!  On the spur of the moment, I prayed to Allah,

"Ya Allah please show me the way.  I have been tested almost to the brink.  I knew all these were mere games from a pro... who had killed too many souls including his own ...spouses...Ya Allah, am so ever thankful that You have saved me from further turmoil, messed up life and hurts and facing worse scenarios in life. Aameen"

That ended the feeling as though being dropped like a hot potato from the cloud nine by the Knight In Shining Armour.  The prince which I had thought was a gentle and gracious prince wasn't at all a prince after all.  OR were all princes like that?  I have been saved twice from such "life destiny" of marrying the much warned-about mankind.

The after effects were not that simple to describe but I shall try.  I have lost trust in them specie, I have never taken any marriage proposals seriously any more after this awful-much-too-learn- incident and I have never overcame this phobia in them ... More than fourteen years down the memory lane...

UNTIL one day, I went through a program called Hynotherapy and the coach walked me through my childhood past, my adult past life and my present... It took me almost forty minutes to get over more than fourteen years of phobia... through Phobia Pattern and Time Line Therapy. I have so much to thank Allah for all these openings and now am a much happier person who no longer have mistrust in men.  I have at one stage, Self Detoxed myself to prepare for the break through session in this program ... I managed to put his image in my minds eyes and I managed it with a broad smile as I was doing that until I was in the program again the next day.  No more remorsefulness, no more phobias, no more negativeness and absolutely no more mistrust!

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah.  YOU have saved me from the "gallows" of another human and soul killer. ;)

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


I AM SORRY I do not publish comments with anonymity ... and those with advertisements/link... Anyway, I do read your comments in spam section. Thanks for writing comments though!


It rained! Ok, fine. It should be cooler and with every drop, there came Allah's Blessings, Alhamdulillah. 

I arrived in PPUM more than an hour later... (half an hour without rain). Another half an hour sitting in the car waiting for someone to go home or by miracle...removing his car.. not hers(!)...

Found my way (complicated way) to the Orthopaedic  clinic. Registered my name. Sat outside waited for my honourable driver Hafiz to arrive. Just before he appeared, I was face to face with someone! Instantly couldn't recall where I have met her. My first guest was could have been a lady working in the PM's office that sat next to me in the National Convention recently... NOpE! 

She was the person who had always offered me jobs in DRB Hicom those days when I was doing business. Ooooooooh what a shame! I couldn't recognize her?
Anyway, I shared with her Hynotherapy that I last mentioned and what else I have learned from my 8 months plus, with PLF. My! She was amazed about the 'ilmu (knowledge) Ihave picked up (not me!) Shared with her what I could remember about vision board, imagination board, LUA, Magnet with Allah, Attract Goodness and NEVER ever mentioned negativeness... Then we ended up in Secret Recipe for our mid morning breakfast.

AS my name was called... I went into the direction of the voice echoing in my ears. 
"Good morning Mam. You are a staff here?" greeted Dr.Wong the consultant in Orthopaedic. 

"Good morning doctor. No, am not a staff here" quipped I.

"My staffs mentioned that you are a staff here" a sweet smile was offered.

"No, it's my daughter who is the staff here, in Family Med... first floor there".. 

"OIC"... said he.

"Now lets see how your wound is getting along?"... he knelt down on the floor undo the neat bandage done by Hafiz.

"Oh, it's very clean and dry. Do you remember me? I was the one who came by and made a suggestion to Dr. XXX. So, how was it? "... 

"Dr. Wong, I had applied hynotherapy... bla bla bla..."

"Wow! Wonderful" Said he.

"Dr.Wong, may I have the doctor's phone number? I wanted to tell him these : - the expected pain in two hours (then) had never came until now, with Allah's will and last night as I was writing this story in my blog... I have given him another name, Dr.Smith. because I cannot remember his real name and please tell him, I am sorry"... heheheheehe...for giving him a new name."

"Yes, of course, I will let him know esp. giving him a new name" Hahahaha... he then continued.

"Okay now I give you this piece of paper, you go the other section
and have a new dressing before you go home, by the nurse. Keep it dry all the time and when you go home, you do not have to bandage it anymore. Let it heal."

Out into the corner I went... Osh! cosh begosh!
It's the other entrance to this building... I had taken the lift, turned right and all those to locate this Orthopaedic  clinic... I felt amused inside! hehe.

The nurse told me "Puan, you can go for lunch, then come back at 2:00 pm. There are 6 others to be treated and they might take more than half an hour each. Just then I noticed a young man with metal rods on his legs... like the cavadi kind of thingy!

I left and quickly made a come back.
"Puan, can I just go home and do it myself??? It's only a simple and little wound" said I.

"O ok, lets have a look... Oh so small. Come lemme just give you this bandage with plaster and this saline cream. NO Iodine okay? It retards your new nail from coming out. It's only for big wounds, its' to kill the germs. Yours is only so little (by her standard)... no need to put. Okay, now rub it with your hands" she went into the details of it.

"Oh I cannot rub it because I have been bersalam with friends just now"... she went to get a glove for me.

"Ok, I can go home now, right?" asked I politely.

"Oh and Puan do not forget to apply Franch OIL, it would be very good for you. Your toe nail will come out healthy" came a gentle reminder from her.

So, on the way home we dropped by at TESCO and get a bottle of Franch Oil...
Ooooooooooooooooo what a bliss freedom!!!!!!! I can now enjoy bathing (?) with my new Ms. Toe without its nail, enjoy taking ablution without spraining my body, enjoy this, enjoy that. BUT No driving and cannot solat without a stool yet... It hurts to make the toe stand up... Alhamdulillah syukur... its making a fast recovery and thanks for all the prayers... 

Sunday, August 26, 2012



THE INNOCENT little wooden cabinet...
WAS knocked by my Miss TOE!

I had a little accident. Yesterday, torn my long-time-ugly-toe-nail... it bled profusely ...
"Feeeeeeez, Please give me some tissues".. I called out loud to my son for assistance.  

Apparently, the toe nail was ripped open but not detached!  It bled profusely and it was scary to my son.  Fresh blood could be seen and I dabbed them away... The toe nail was out of its side "frame"... one time long ago, I remember when this incident happened ... by the side of the cuticle there is "frame-like" part and in that little insertion, I had pushed back the nail into place so that it would not come out and got ripped.  Urgh!!!  Having it secured in place, I dabbed excess blood and then got some bandage to wrap around to prevent further "damage" to the nail and flesh beneath it.

Life went back to normal.  There was a little pain but stubbornly I tried hard to divert it elsewhere.  Was it possible?  YES, of course.

Late evening, my eldest daughter, Dr.Natasha came home.  She took a look and advised me to go to the hospital the next morning.

Upon arrival, I waited outside the doctor's clinic patiently.  The registration number was earlier taken by my daughter.  When it was my turn to see him, I walked graciously towards him... could I walk any faster??  Nope!  After examining me, he told me the procedure.  Firstly, I was required to take some X-rays to determine if I have any fractures on my joints,  then had to go to the ET.  What?  X-ray?  A small incident led me to ET???  Asked me from deep inside.  Secondly, I need to return to this clinic to get the doctors comments.  Thirdly, I had to wait for someone to take me to the ET.

Someone did take me to ET.  Down the steps... into the lobby...then out the walkway, into the uncovered pathways... faithfully I trotted behind him with little Sofiya and Hafiz accompanying. It was an adventure to Sofiya.  She was of course so familiar with ET... She has been there few times before herself.

The Emergency and Trauma, here we come!

I was introduced to Dr.Smith.  He took out the bandage to examine which procedure to use.  Asking me lots of questions as though I have been hit in an accident.  Hehehehe!  He then took a photograph and MMS it to his senior consultant.  Normal procedure in a teaching hospital.  Fine!
Then a senior doctor came to decide which procedure was suitable. Just to let Miss Toe go home attached and just give her a bandage and dressings or having her  completely cut off! 

Once it was decided, I was briefed on the procedure.  
Two jabs of Local Anesthetic was necessary, I could feel the sharp fine needles being pushed into the sides of my Miss Toe. Then waited a short while before a little insertion had to be made.   He was asking if I could feel his touch.  I nodded my head.  I still could feel it as he was meddling with the toe end.  He knew IT!  The medication did not work well on me.  But he had to proceed.  Meanwhile, I was prepared with my Mind, Body and Soul to face it bravely with Allah's help!

A few weeks back... I was taught a brand new lesson...

First, I make a big white board on the ceiling and put myself there. I concentrated on my toe. I felt the needle prick as the LA was applied. Then I saw in my mind, blood all over the toe. I applied black color onto it. Then trying to give it yellow color ... until the procedure was done.  At the same time, I have diverted my pain elsewhere.

"My! You are very tolerable!" remarked the doctor after it was done.  I smiled away.

"Afterwards I will tell how and why"...

"Normally my patients would scream their heads off, and since you still feel the pain, LA did not work fully on you. MY!"

"I have self hypnotized myself. Firstly, I made a prayer to Allah, to allow me to use the knowledge that I have just learned a couple of weeks back. Then I put myself on the ceiling above me with the toe being the focal point. I put a black color onto it. Then gradually, changed it to yellow. But it turned itself into gold color and kept glowing until you are done."

"Am amazed! So now, do you feel any pain?" Looking at me in amazement. ;)

"No!" said I, smiling.

"Okay the pain will come after two hours of the procedure and I will detail out what you are supposed to do..."

Now, it is 12.40a.m. ( I am waiting for the time to take my 4th  anti biotic)...Alhamdulillah syukur, the pain isn't here. HOW? I have transferred the pain (since this morning) on to someone that I saw on TV 512 news channel... Alhamdulillah it worked.

Thanks Si Fu Rizal for teaching me this 27th-29th July... I have since rehearsed those that I have learned within those few days, to my "students" ... My lovely children...

Pray that all these 'ilmu keep on spreading to my doctor children so they can apply appropriately. Aameen.

Last remark from the doctor... YOU should come and help with patients having dislocated shoulders !!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!

Allah was helping all along, not me. I have only applied what I have learned. He was the one responsible for the healing, taking away the pain and controlling the pain.. with Kuun fayakuun. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah .

As I am writing this post... it's more than a week now... there no pain at all since the little  surgery... Believe me!  IF you leave things to Allah, you will receive this experience like I am going through now.  It is not the Universe who is doing all these.  It is Allah The Almighty, The Creator of this Universe and The Most Exalted.  The spirit gets online and connected with Allah if you decide and make this choice.  The choice is entirely yours.  You are responsible towards it.  So, Take Charge and make right choices. YES?

Saturday, August 25, 2012


Today, I made a lot of blunder while trying to make changes to my blog.  I am here to just share a few words of frustrations... O Really?

In the process of adopting new templates, I have lost all the blog friends' links... It's extremely tedious to recover through Google comments... I know!  BUT it's just impossible... I may not have the time and patience...  So, If you come and visit my blog land and found your name missing, please just excuse me.  It wasn't done on purpose, okay?

Anyway, I know I have not been a regular... AN excuse I have for so long lay upon!  Boring, ain't it?  Anyway, things have been absolutely blissful after the Ramadhan... Joys were there waiting for us on the 1st day of Shawal.


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Monday, August 6, 2012



Here is where we are!!!



Since last January, I have not been  regularly visiting this blog land...  The link above tells all, why I was away most of the time...

Learning is such a sweet process to find and discover new things in life.  Most interesting of fall is to learn from some new and younger scholarly persons.

In Malaysia, there are numerous learning available to suit your needs.  Just choose what you want, how you want them to be and Voala!  You will find yourself in a new horizon already!

Thursday, May 3, 2012


Dear blog visitors.

Thanks for coming by, spending your sweet time reading, commenting and leaving "quietly" with anonymity at the end... BUT I, honestly do not quite enjoy this anonymity... ThuS! I did not publish your great comments.

IF you wish me to publish your great comments, please leave your names.  They do not hurt anyone reading them.  I really appreciate your visits and sharing but Sorry I cannot publish them.

Come again and see "you" around this blog land.

ps.  I have strings of comments coming through BUT they are signed as anonymous.  So they ended up in spam box.. .thanks anyway for writing your comments.  I read them but I do not publish them.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


There WE GO!

Moving again?  I have just did... some 5 months ago.

Feeling too much upset and remorseful weren't good for my moral.  I know it.  But there were so many faults discovered.  Too many that they sent me almost not thinking of other things.

First, there were spider-web-like-porch, then there are extremely fresh cracks on the wall, ceilings and fence!  Next is the water leaking into the bathroom each time it rains.  The stinking sewage. The alarm system and electrical mul- functioning.  Tolerable?  I have endured them since I first moved into this brand new house that was constructed by the most renowned and top award winning developer in the country!  

There was absolutely NO quality control over the sub contractors' works which offered us shoddy finishing.  The newly mended floor on the posterior of the house is beginning to show cracks of spider webs, now.  The plastered rain pipe or whatever problem that was on the roof, still was not properly detected.  I still get rain water coming through the wall and collected on the floor of my bathroom!  Horrendous!

There were six male foreign workers at one time in my house doing a two-day-dusty work which was almost intolerable to me.  One of them that looked quite fierce, showed me some contrasting wall tiles to replace on the cracked walls.  I did not plan to argue with him.  So I nodded my head and allowed him to plaster them on.  Again, gave a nod to something so contrasting to the existing tiles.  I just wondered if the main contractors are keeping stocks of tiles they were using in our homes.

The only consolation was the workmanship of those men were okay.  I haven't gone to my limits as to keep on complaining of their works and them taking things too much for granted with me, yet?  

I suppose this is not what we expect of a brand new house which is already showing signs of cracking due to unsettled earth beneath us!  They were lands of the palm oil estates ...which are expected to be settled within so many years before constructions began BUT no one waited long enough!  CFs were given after a month of completion of these houses!  The houses were flooded, water proofing were useless, metal fittings were rusty, windows were rushed in with rain waters just to mention a few! 

I was totally flabbergasted! Each time I look up the ceiling, I was to expect some cracks, looking on the walls... same expectation... Goodness ME!!!  I heard from a relative that one house that was bought 5 years back had its kitchen "sinking"!!!  The developer mended for free although the warranty period (only three years)  ... has already ceased... presumably  to maintain their "reputation"...  While another house has its concrete fence split wide!  

IF you were this house owner, what would you do?  Enjoy your good night sleep or budging and marching into the estate office right away???  I was informed by some of their staffs that foreign owners went marching and banging on their office tables demanding prompt works to be done!

I just talked "politely" over the phone with the manager and that sent their supervisor coming to do home inspection an fixing a date for those workers to come.  But I am not prepared to vacuum and mop the floors again in case there is a need to call them back - which I DO! ;)

Friday, March 23, 2012


Since so many friends have lost contact with our dear Dr.Kate from the Premier Chiropractor, I am enclosing here her clinic's phone numbers and you could contact them for directions to the clinic.

Here goes... 03- 9131 2549 AND 03-9131 2409.

Thursday, January 12, 2012


 A phone call made while being caught up in the jam was much welcomed.

"Mummy, I have just noticed this morning, Za's sms that was sent to me last night. I was really tired after the dinner and went home straight to bed. What had happened?"  my eldest daughter was asking me?

"Oh, nothing serious, it was just a self inflicted injury, that's all", said I.

"How did it happen?" she asked inquisitively.

"Oh it was during the morning prayer yesterday.  I had the wrong garment on and it was quite tight.  So I was struggling to get my sitting position correct.  In the event, I hurt my self." I told her obediently.

"Perhaps you better go for an x-ray? ", but her mere suggestion was politely rejected.

So, that was day two. I felt sharp pain in my lower back, my left hip, the sole of my right foot and oooooh it's sort all over me.  Served me right!  I wasn't careful.

Day three.
"Mummy you should go for an x-ray and let the doctor see the extent of your injury." suggested her.

"Thanks but I feel much better now,  I am taking a good rest at home"...

Day four.
"Mummy, where does it hurt?  Mummy you should know your bones too well!!!", she touched the sole of my foot and I could feel sharp pain as she touched the mid part.    She was just short of saying:

"Mummy your bones are fragile/rotting/getting brittle and all"...LOL!!!!!!!

I am feeling better, so perhaps with another resting day, I hope to get much better.  BUT today, I offered to look after little Sofiya since she was extremely late to work.  Allah shall help me through, I know.  If you relief someone of her/his stress, Allah would do the same unto you.  It reciprocates.

Day five...

Alhamdulillah syukur.  My mind was getting wild with plans to go out to get my grandson's fourth birthday present.  But all plans were futile.  Why?  I finished my previous blog posting in the wee hours of the morning and was awoken by my phone alarm at 5:00a.m.  I got up,  had my shower and prayed until Subuh prayer time arrived.  After everyone left for work, I took a nap and was only awaken at 10:00a.m. After having a simple lunch of fried rice, I took another nap.  That snapped away the wilderness of my plan to go out  looking for a present...

By late evening, I succumbed to writing this little story....

Last night I was planning with another friend to attend a  course in training or writing stories.  That last posting was my first try at writing, though nothing catchy had come out of it.  My poor reading and writing abilities proved everything I had was merely a dream.Thinking out loud as I am typing these last few words.... how to become a good writer if "with only one"short story I already fell asleep twice today??? LOL!!!!!!

BUT the best part here is ...and as I am thinking out loud, "Mummy you know your bones are not young anymore"...  it sent me smiling all alone . I now find myself typing these last few words and now am on my way to another session of TV watching.  Cheerio readers who come by.

Oh, but before that, I shall have to put some rice to boil for dinner for my daughter and her children and ME.

Not MY Work But ALLAH'S

I was literally dumbfounded.  One second was too long for such thing.  Quick!  Pick him UP!  Allahu Akbar!!!  I recited.  What's happening to my grandson, Harith?  I must handle crisis with Allah's words and help.

Just then my daughter, Zaza emerged from her bedroom with little Sofiya in her arms.  Both have apparently just woken up from their afternoon nap.

"Ja, Harith's in fits.  Quick, call Tasha.  Ask her what should we do!!!"  I yelled (?) at her and hastily picking up the stiffened body with strange irregular movements of  my grandson.  I verily tried to control myself from getting too panicky and irrationally thinking of my next move.  Forgotten about the crack in my lower back and my two months old surgery, I held him in my arms as though I was losing him.  I have never witnessed this incident since the birth of my first child and since I could ever remember in my life.  Not ever!

"Where is the phone?" asked her and as she put down Sofiya onto the floor, the little one felt the sudden abundant and gave a loud cry.

"It's there on the table", said I.  Still reciting verses from the Quran, I tried to remain as calm as I could because I knew it if I were just as panicky, things would be more hay wire.

"Tasha, Harith's fitting.  What shall we do, where are you?  Quick!!!!"  I heard her strong and "out-of-breath-voice"...  It was such a life and death 911-distress-call and the instantaneous response from the other end.

"Lie him on the floor, on his left.  Take a wet towel sponge him over and over".  Was her order.

"What are we going to do?" I found myself asking.

""We go to the hospital, now!"  replied Zaza. 

"Surely not like this.  We have to change!"  Said I.

"But this is emergency, we just go!"  sounds like a good idea.
But who is going to drive?  We have two sick children in our arms.  Sofiya was also fevering.  I put Harith on his RIGHT side on the carpet in my bedroom, a wet towel over his head, while I hastily changed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Something that worked well for emergency situation.  A blouse and a long skirt that were already on the hanger.

"No, call my friend in the other apartment, if she could help us", ordered I. 
Meanwhile Zaza had the time to change too.  AND I have just realized, Harith was on his right side, not left.  So I pulled him over and he made no movement anymore. I was a little calm.  Then a slight fit recurred.  I then picked him up another time, calling out his name but of course there was absolutely no response. His eyes were opened but stiffened. I have no idea at all how long this has taken place.  Not looking at the clock but my eyes were fixed on his face and body.  He was so pale.

"Ding dong!!!"  there was my friend at the door.  She arrived within minutes of the phone call.
"Quick, put this on his head.  It's the black sesame oil... (WAS IT?) and get some ice and put on his head!!!"  ordered her.
"But Tasha did not ask to put any ice" protesting, was I???
Anyway, Zaza took a small bag of ice, snatched a black computer bag from the table and holding Sofiya tightly in her arms.  Tasha was on the phone telling, she and her hubby would straight away go and wait for us at the hospital.  Little Sofiya was quiet then.  It was a trip, an outing for her.

WE then rushed out of our apartment, I did not feel his weight but only his stiffen body!  Everything seems so light and flying.  Down the lift we went, out into the open.  But where is the car?  Oh dear!  Farry was about 7 minutes away.  She had parked further up.  Once into the car, I put ice on his head, still reciting the Quranic verses and tried to wake him up.  The journey seemed a bit too long since there were other traffics on the road which towed each other behind a bus stopping to pick up passengers.  I remained calm and that's the least or the most I could do...

My friend was calling out Harith's name.  But he did not respond.  His eyes seemed opened but they were motionless.

AS I AM writing this, I could clearly see in my mind's eyes how was Harith during the attack.  I feel the fright now.  I feel my heart throbbing now.  What IF things had gone wrong then?  What would have happened?

When we reached the hospital, I saw his parents were waiting.  We did not know the emergency exits were shifted.  So, we went round and there they were...His Mama, came round to where we got stuck among the traffic congestion.  Frantically she signaled to the car in front that we have an emergency case.  They gave way.  Thank God.  Another fits had occurred as our car drew close to the emergency entrance.  Papa was there waiting.  As I opened the door, his Papa grabbed him into his arms.  But, oh no!  His fingers were holding my blouse... it was so tight.  I tried to loosen them... I managed it.  What a sight!!!!!  A pitiful sight it was.  My grandchild!

Once in the emergency ward, he was attended to by the Pediatrician on duty.  His Mama was calling out his name.  Her face was pale like there was no life!  And nothing came from him.  His eyes were opened but still stiffened.  I found my way into the cubicle.  I knew I could have done nothing to help.  The nurses were busy too.  Then I left his bedside and found myself a seat.  Oh Ya Allah, I could have never forgiven myself if something were to happen.  Like What?  I don't know!!! I do not want to think about it.  BUT!!!!!!!!!

I sent my second daughter and my friends off so that they could go home and get something for the night for Harith.  Meanwhile, relatives arrived.  I tried to describe as little and brief as I could.  Sofiya who was fevering, obviously needed treatment.  So, I told my son in law to register her and get her blood tested as well.  He obediently did.  He was obviously panicky.  So did my daughter.  

Apparently, Harith did not recognize them although it was more than two hours now.  The doctor said, under normal circumstance, such a case would end within the hour or less.  When we first arrived, it was 5:15 p.m or so.  Now, it's already 8:00p.m...  

I observed my daughter.

She was sitting there quietly.  Not talking to anyone. I could not guest what's on her mind.  BUT suddenly she got up, Sofiya in her arms, tears running down her cheeks non-stop and she uttered me these vary words:

"Mummy, Harith did not recognise us at all.  The doctor has done City Scan on him and the result was negative (of brain damage) ...but since this has taken too long and it's very serious, the doctor wanted to take his spinal fluid for further testing to make sure he is out of it"... (????????????) 

"Brain damage???  Could it lead to that?" asked I.

...calmly she explained which sent my thinking head to an electric shock speed!  I was adamant.  I was in disbelieve.  That serious!!!!!!!  My grandson has to undergo such procedure?  I hide my panicky state. 

"That's what the doctor said.  Quick, call friends and relatives who are in Mecca performing the Haj.  Ask them to make du'a and pray for Harith so that he come out of the situation and that Allah spared all of us from such intended procedure!!!" 

I rushed with my words as in a life and death manner.  But of course.  Spinal fluid? Operation?  Spine?  It was like when I first heard of the vary word "Caesarian" many years ago... It's a taboo to mention it even now....  So was the former.

"Have you done your Maghrib prayer yet?"  I asked. \

Just then I saw my son in law passing by.  Same question I shot at him and he said "Not yet"  too.

"Please make solat Hajat as well, okay?", ordered I.  

To which , I myself shot up from my chair and found my way to the corridor on my right...  There were not many people praying at that time.  So, I had the small prayer room all to myself, my daughter and another lady.  They both left earlier than me. I remained in there for another half hour to wait for Isya' prayer time.

"Ya Allah, that was what the doctor said.  That was what he thought was best at this time for him to do to solve this critical situation for Harith.  I am sure, Ya Allah, I know it.  This is NOT what you said and not what you have decided for Harith.  Am sure you have other plans for him to come through.  Ya Allah, please calm us down, please make Harith come round.  Ya Allah, You are High and Mighty, The Most Exalted, your power is Absolute, you are the Most Knowledgeable.  Am sure you would avoid the doctor from taking his spinal fluid...am sure you are testing us at this vary minute and want all of us to submit ourselves, to leave things absolutely to you and YOU alone and nothing else  to handle... with Laahaula wa laaquwwata illa billahil 'aliyyil 'aziim."  

TEARs from my eyes and from the depth of my heart were fast flowing, non stop.  My prayer garments were wet.  I was sobbing while making this du'a.  Eyes swollen, nose getting red like an over- ripen tomato... How am I going out?  Who cares???

I walked out anyway. Speechlessly walking while offering zikr with every breath it took.  I remained quiet until at almost 9:15p.m we received an sms telling the latest of Harith' s progress.  It was apparent that he finally came round.  Those with him by his bedside, heard him asking for his "sandy pillow case".  That was him obviously.

"Alhamdulillah, Allah is Great!!!".  Finally all of our prayers were answered.  Prayers from us in the hospital, from relatives outside and those far away across the horizon in Mecca.  HE knew what was best for us.  He has His ways of testing us - testing our faiths, testing  our piety and testing our sincerity.  This is also His way to show us the power of zikrullah and to leave things to Him to handle with absolute faith, tawakkal and purity.

Alhamdulillah, by that time, Sofiya's blood test results were out and there was nothing to worry about.  We made out way to the children's wing and found Harith in the company of his Papa, aunties and uncles with wet towels all over his body to reduce his temperature.  He was on drips.

Then began the two weeks saga.  Taking turns to accompany Harith in the hospital, day and night. Who would be in the night shift?  It was obvious, Papa has to.  While Mama has to be home to accompany Sofiya since she is still breast fed.  Day time, was Mama's shift.  Came the time when Mama's leave were finished, grandma (ME) has to be in the duty roster.

For two weeks, we spent time doing colorings together, lots and lots of them... reading story books to him and of course the duties went on and on from sponging him, feeding him and accompanying him to the blood-taking sessions.  Doctors, there were five to six of them in a team coming round daily to see him making progress.  Indeed it was progress.  Among other things he had to go through with tears and cries were blood taking!  They were sent for TB testing (as he was excessively coughing), pneumonia, bacterial infection and many more.  

I had my session too.  There were paeds who came by interviewing me on the event that had started since and until that day.  On the fourth day that followed, something had appeared on his back.  It was right in the middle.  A little watery blister which was thought to be a chicken pox. Soon we found our way into the quarantine ward which offered us to have the much-need-privacy from those other crying babies...

That ended our two weeks life in the privacy of the hospital.

On the day he was to be discharged, he was ever so excited to come home that he did not sleep a wink in the afternoon which he normally had.  Alhamdulillah, all was well and Allah was with us n our hearts, prayers and lives.

Lessons learned:  NEVER ever let him remain in high fever for more than 48 hours.  Always have blood test as recommended by the health authorities as soon as the child fevers.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


When joys were shared... once the cute camera was taken out, this was what happened to it's box...

 FIRST, the big brother trying to fit into the beautiful box...

Sofiya engrossed watching the Television... as though knew nothing of her brother's venture...

Ok, it's Sofiyah's turn now... Let me try  sitting in there... wanna feel how it's like.

Waaaaaaaa, I fit in perfectly.  You, brother Harith, just sit there and watch me, okay?

WELCOME. Someone is outside my door.

New year welcoming my grandchildren with happy faces!  Not fevers I hope.  Thanks Allah for them both healthy tots.

All crisps and well pressed.  He made his way to his neighbor's house (which happens to be mine).  Today, he decided things, not his mom.

"I want to take care of gran."  Said Harith to his Mama who was speechless amidst the mad morning rush to get things in order, into the car and making sure nothing is left behind.

"He wants to take care of you Mummy.  That's what he says"... with all the hope in the world that I would not give negative answers.

With a broad smile, I welcome him into my warm arms and he gave me a sweet early morning smile.  He is gorgeous when he is in his good mood.  He gave me just as huge warm hug too.  Owe that was so sweet for an early new year greeting.  One of the greatest new year's gift!

Soon everyone were leaving for work and  little Sofiya has to go to her baby sitter, 30 KM away. Papa left home a little bit later than Mama. Obviously I wouldn't cope with two... they have bountiful energy while mine is receding. They know how to keep my place "alive" too.  They tease each other, create situations and incidences that cause their voices sending signals and "deafening sounds" to my ears.

But they are certainly  keeping me alive!  Otherwise, my daily routine would be just reading emails, FB and online news.  They too have their own favourite sites to visit.  The You tube being the most popular with some Arabic alphabets to learn, watch and listen to.  Sofiya would normally sway her cute little body to the sound of those melodies.  Quranic verses them a little quiet as though they understand that they are supposed to simply listen. Harith would be looking for CARS and games.  TV would be great fun too for him,  with local children programs on, or Ultraman, some other cartoons, animal films, Master Chef (Malaysia), Islamic talks, dramas and much more.  Of course, little Sofiya who has just turned one year two months limits herself to the You Tube most times.

 Rarely, both are with me at the same time except for weekends when there are aunties to help around.  I do not cope with both.  Cannot and would not.  Full stop!  They have such activities that would send me to the couch sooner than them, LOL!  Stairs-climbing would be lots of fun when she gets the chase which obviously tire me easily.

It's so much more meaningful to volunteer looking after your own at this age!  I was living with volunteering since my younger days which also have given me much satisfaction and high with motivation to go on.  But time flies so quickly that I am now much better off at home with my grand children.

When "sudden" change of schedule "appearing" at my door step, which is only a few steps away from theirs,  I just accept (as they come) with open heart and willingness to help my daughter who is working more than 30KM away.  After all, what am I here for?  This is God-sent responsibility and extended helping hands that I should and ought to offer.  I never complained, frown or shake my head when my grandchild stands outside my door.  I enjoy his or her company as much as they enjoy mine.  I find solace in them.  They are wonderful to look at.  Those eyes glitter each time they want something to share! They are wonderful to watch - watching them grow, doing things differently every day, speaking in their own ways, telling stories in an almost perfect mother-tongue language (only Harith does this), singing, acting, playing and most of all.... OH I LOVE it even better when they fall asleep!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!

Mr. and Miss Anonymous

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